Soul Searching...

I have spent the last few days doing some deep soul searching and trying to figure out exactly what it is I want out of my life. I decided a few months back that I wanted to to go back to school. At first it was because of the money (or lack thereof)  and then it became about getting my degree and showing my girls that one class (in my case it was college algebra) was NOT going to keep me from getting where I wanted to go. It was also about proving to my father that being an artist IS good enough. It is the kind of lifestyle that I love and  the way I wish to raise my children...appreciating all the beauty that the world has to offer and be able to express that appreciation creatively. My oldest daughter claims that she is not artistic and yet she dances with more grace and beauty than any person her age should be able to. My youngest daughter is already showing a love of painting and creating things with her hands. I feel like the luckiest mother on Earth to have such beautiful and wonderfully talented children. I also try to tell them this at least twice a day just in case there was any doubt!

As for my own discoveries? I just realized that the real reasons I went back to school were more about making sure that they knew they could do whatever they set their minds to and that it's never too late to finish something if you want to. It took me a long time and a LOT of self-doubt and many more years still of denying myself the joy of being a creative soul before i came back to my roots. I worked a lot of jobs and embarked on several careers that really made me feel miserable and, at one point, self-loathing. Then, I decided to go back to art school and, not being able to find an art school close enough to finish my degree and still be able to effectively raise my kids and be home at night with them, I chose to detour around it all and pull a double major in photography ( a locally offered program) and art ( which I can take a couple of studio classes from the local Jr. college and eventually transfer). I'm essentially designing my own degree in mixed media art and combining the art forms I love the most. I just want to inspire my own girls, but if it works to inspire even one other person then...I'm at peace. A good friend once told me that no one is ever prevented from doing something by an empty wallet...only empty heads and empty hearts.  Soul searching is a beautiful thing.